You Can’t be a Leader If You Continue To Do This…

This week we are going to be talking about one of my favourite topics of late, which is
Leadership and how you can step into that space of being a leader. Specifically today
we are going to be talking about the one behaviour that you have to give up, you cannot
be a leader unless you give this other thing up.

If you really want to be a leader what you have to give up is being pleaser. One of my
coaches pointed out to me very early on that this is what I was doing and he was right.
Pure and simple. I was worried about what other people thought, worried about their
feelings and I wanted to make sure that they were all ok and what happens when we do
that is we lose our leadership. So he put it to me very simply that you can either be a
leader or you can be a pleaser.

When you try to please everyone and make sure that everyone is ok and you don’t hurt
anyones feelings etc, you cannot be a leader, because if you can’t break them through
that bullshit, if you continue to allow people to get away with their bad habits, especially
if you are in the coaching and wellness base you are doing them a complete and utter
disservice. You are allowing that behavior to go on, you are enabling that behaviour to
continue and it’s absolutely useless and I’ll tell you why you already know that.

Because you have two lines of rhetoric going…..

If somebody comes to you, either a client or a prospect or something similar and they
say to you the usual excuse. “Oh this has happened” or “I didn’t have time to do the
things we said” or “I’m just not getting it” or whatever else bullshit excuse they are
holding in their mind and instead of saying what’s going through your head which is “are
you kidding me?, are we here again?” and breaking them out of that pattern, what you
hear yourself saying is “oh well, um, ok lets just try this and we will see what we can do
here” and it’s absolutely useless.

Now in our minds we are coming from a beautiful place. We want to help them and we
want to make sure they are ok but the best thing you can do is ask yourself this
question in those situations. What is going to best serve this person now? Do I allow
them to continue with that or do I say what really needs to be said, pointing out the
elephant in the room and shut the whole thing down. Specifically in terms of this I’m
talking about leading with your clients.

This also applies with your staff when this needs to happen as well if you are at this
stage, but for now when we are talking about your clients. The more of a leader you can
be, the more you can hold that space, set those strong boundaries of “this is what’s
expected, this is what I’ll bring to the table for sure and this is what you can bring to the
table”. The boundaries are in place, everybody’s comfortable, everybody knows their
role because you don’t deviate from that ever, then your clients get results because you
know full well that if they carry on with that old bullshit pattern, the limiting behavior
and they are allowed to carry on with that because that’s just what they do and that’s
just what happens to them then it’s not serving them in any capacity whatsoever. So you
have to choose, are you going to be a pleaser or are you going to be a leader?

Completely up to you but you career rides on it, no pressure or anything.

When you do make the switch……when you make the switch I can guarantee that’s the
best of you that comes out, your confidence grows, you get better and better at calling
people on their stuff and allowing them to break free and break through. When you do
that you are fulfilling your highest potential and because you are growing and raising your
standards, the people around you raise their standards as well, it’s a completely win win
situation

My top quick tips on how to improve your leadership especially if you’re feeling shaky
starting out. Now with a lot of the women I speak to they start out saying “I’m a bit of an
introvert and it’s just not in my nature to do that” and “that’s just not me”.

That’s your story. That’s your story that you need to break through. That was exactly my story as
well so I know precisely where you are coming from, but at the end of the day, when you
are with your closest ones, you will call them out on their limitations or their excuses etc.
We just call people out who we are close with and comfortable with, but the majority of
us when it comes to the phase of doing with your clients, with prospects you have just
met, you’re not as keen to do it.

In terms of tips, whatever is going on in your mind, find a very respectful way of
expressing that, but also be blunt. There is no point sugar coating around something
when someone’s bringing you excuses. Drop it down. Just allow that person to be
stopped in their tracks cos that shock in itself is going to break that pattern for them and
you know that because I know that you are good at what you do. When it comes down
to it, take the opportunity to actually speak out.

I was speaking to a client this morning, now when we take those steps, very quickly the
confidence is going to build, but it’s not something that you can build confidence with
until you’re doing it, so take the step. Also, utilize your tonality. You can soften the blow
by saying something for instance “I totally know where you are coming from, but if we’re
going to all this to continue to be a problem for you then you’re not going to get
anywhere and i know you want some big results and that’s why I know you’re willing to
put in the work to stop these excuses from getting in your way again.” So play around
with your tonality when you give and take. In that sense it allows you to hold the
conversation, because there is going to be one leader in the conversation. Two of you.
One leader.

Who’s going to take it?

Because if you allow them to lead and them to get away with their stuff, they are going to walk away from you having finished with your
services, still with their stuff. Or you can choose to create a little bit of discomfort for
yourself in the first place and break them out of that discomfort completely. It’s a huge
impact for them and a small change for you.

Finally, in terms of your leadership it’s certainty. Link it back. Whatever you’re telling
somebody is for their greater good. You know that if you’re working with somebody and
you’re the leader, they have come to you for help and that’s now your responsibility to
help them. So again, what is going to help them? Breaking out of the pattern or staying
in the pattern? Allow yourself to step into that leadership space. Break people through
and I’ll guarantee that it’s not only going to be phenomenal for your business as a whole
as well. So choose. Are you going to be a pleaser or are you going to be a leader?

You have got the leadership capabilities within you.

I remember being told by a few people actually, over a few years that I wants a leader
and i didn’t have leadership qualities. Everything can be learned. I use to be the shyest
person and I would not say boo to a goose unless I really knew that goose and then I
would tell them exactly what I thought. These are talents that we can cultivate. So, go
ahead and look for your opportunities this week with your clients in general situations to
really step out into your leadership and know that you are able to break people through
and break people free of their complete and utter limitations that have been interrupting
their whole life until now. That power is in your hands And it happens with every choice
that you make. So if you are going to be a leader, you’re going to have to give up being
a pleaser.

Go out, have fun this week and I’ll see you in next week’s blog. In the meantime, live
empowered and be inspired.

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